Communicating with your hands

What do I do with my hands? It’s one of the most universal questions asked by clients in my communication training. “I use them too much” I keep them in my pockets” “They feel weird” One client fiddled so much with a toy on his desk I had to snatch it away. The problem: I focused on the toy and not on what he was saying. The truth is … I don’t care what you do with your hands as long as it doesn’t distract me from listening to your words. And moving them so they are not in sync with your message will indeed send the wrong signal to my brain. What do to? First: remember it’s just a conversation. So you want to use your hands as you would in a conversation with friends or peers. They should be an addition to your words. Second: consider them to be bold illustrations … like when you highlight something in an email or text. They add emphasis to make your words stronger, give them emphasis, and enhance your presentation. Use them too much, and they become meaningless. Third: they give off powerful signals about how you feel about your audience. Hands with palms up are very open, leaving you vulnerable and thus relatable. Spread them to wide however, and you may look like a TV evangelist seeking money. Put your palms down with arm out and it is intimidating. Keeping them in your pockets make you seem closed down and rigid. Make the famous steeple with your fingers, it’s the most neutral and likeable way to use hands. Hold your hands sideways as if you are grasping a playground ball, and you are considered visionary. And then there’s the move called the Obama hug, which if you recall is where he brings his hands in towards his torso to give us a sense that he really cares. Bottom line tho – keep those hands in sync with what you’re saying and you’ll never have to worry about the message they’re sending again.